Jenny goes through yet another rebellious phase (after a certain point, isn’t not rebelling more rebellious?). She gets grounded for ditching school with Damien…but not before promising him that they’ll have sex that night. All the characters are very concerned about Jenny maintaining her chastity, except for Chuck and Blair, who are in the Upper East Side Players production of Hamlet. Personally, I liked The Lion King better.

 

It’s a big week for Jenny. She gets more costume changes than any of the characters, which is weird, since her whole plot is about taking off her clothes.

Jenny’s first appearance shocked me beyond measure. She looked so clean, so put-together, so … teenager-esque. The short-sleeved coat actually works for me, and I feel like she’s taunting me by placing this gorgeous bag so prominently on the kitchen island. I want one.

 

Of course, it wouldn’t be a Jenny-centric episode if it didn’t involve her lying to her dad and becoming Dark!Jenny. I like how, upon taking down her hair, the texture becomes reminiscent of curling ribbons.

 

What followed was a very chaste makeout scene between Jenny and Damien. I stared at her shoes the whole time, because they were at least four kinds of awesome.

 

Here Jenny is, having been rescued from Damien by an excuse about math class. I think that Damien is to blame for her bad hair – whenever she’s not around him, it looks halfway decent.

So, honestly, who actually believes that Jenny would never have seen Dirty Dancing before? I would imagine Rufus made Dan and Jenny watch it during a Humphrey-family movie night, because he totally thinks he’s Patrick Swayze and Lily is Baby.

Also, leather kneepads, Jenny? Really? Come on. I know you’re about to a drug-fueled downward spiral, but you’re not Lindsay Lohan.

 

At the opening for the Bart Bass Wing of Arts and Family Drama, Jenny is rescued by Damien. I’m not sure exactly what the deal is with this dress – I can’t tell if it’s sheer, or if the panels just are flesh-toned, but Jenny – I know I just said you weren’t Lindsay Lohan, but I’d also like to remind you that you’re not Serena. Please put back what appears to be a variation on her hideous Thanksgiving jumpsuit.

 

You’ll all be relieved to know that Jenny doesn’t sleep with Damien, because it’d be terrible if the last innocent character on this show were to – wait, I’m sorry, I just can’t do it. Jenny’s not exactly some delicate flower, the girl’s been dealing drugs for half the season. So I’m just not buying this late in the game turn toward After School Special. But either way, Jenny returns home as she always does after a failed rebellion: looking like a sad moppet, albeit one wearing a delightfully sparkly coat.

 

On to S, who has carelessly thrown her bag on the floor. Oh, pretty leather bag, I wouldn’t treat you that way. I’d carefully store you in protective bags in my closet, and I’d apply a good leather conditioner whenever you start to look a little worn down. Please, leather bag, let me take you away from all this madness.

 

What’s most impressive about Serena is her dedication to displaying her cleavage. Even while counseling Jenny on how important a girl’s first time is, Serena still manages to find a remarkably low-cut sweater. Not her lowest-cut sweater, of course, because this is a casual moment between two girls. But who says there can’t room for her two girls?

 

Occasionally, Serena wears a dress that, while low-cut, still manages to be kind of fabulous. This is one of those times. I love the color and the neckline. But did she call up Vanessa for accessory advice? Because I know Lily taught her better than to wear a black watch like that with a dress.

 

Can I just say how much I hate this illusion netting resurgence? Because, other than on Sandra Bullock’s Oscar dress, it never looks good. Serena has graciously offered to demonstrate.

I mean, on the one hand, I’m happy to see that she’s, y’know, not hanging out all over the place. But the dress still manages to accentuate her breasts, while also kind of making them look like a drawing of one of the aliens in District-9.

 

Of course, all these thoughts occurred to me before I saw the back of the dress.

 

Is that seriously an illusion netting panel running down her hindquarters? *Sigh* That’s our girl.

 

As for the guys in the A-Plot … well, here’s Nate. I don’t care what you say, there is no way that this is a menswear neckline.

Maybe this is something he and Serena are doing. In the last episode, she wore his shirt. This episode, he’s wearing her sweater – oh, who am I kidding? No way does Serena own a sweater with that high of a neckline.

 

At least he brings it for the requisite fifth-act party. He always looks so sharp, and I’d like to think that the purple tie is sort of a tribute to Bart (although, I call shenanigans on Bart’s favorite color being purple).

 

As for Damien – all I’m going to say about Damien is that there are few men who can make the skinny tie work. As far as I’m concerned, Damien is not one of them.

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