As soon as I saw Vanessa with her little camcorder in hand, I knew this episode was going to bother me. She is the most annoying student filmmaker since Dawson Leery, but at least he occasionally brushed his hair. And don’t look interested, Nate, you’ll only encourage her. 

 

I guess Vanessa has been too busy to stop back at the dorms to load up on accessories, so instead she went with a top that had a chest plate inlaid on it. Let’s keep an accessory count going, shall we? With this outfit, she’s wearing massive hoop earrings with mini earrings within (1.5), bracelets (3), necklaces (2), and layers of beads on her top (13), bringing us to a total of 19.5 accessories. Well played, Abrams.

(It’s like she’s saying, “I know, right?”)

 

Too bad, because from this angle, when you can’t see all the other stuff piled on, her outfit could pass for cute.

 

First off, accessory count: bracelets (3), earrings (1), necklaces (2, but with 6 strands, averaging to 4). That’s a total of eight pieces of jewelry. Almost restrained, for Ms. Abrams. But there’s no excuse for the rest of this outfit. I keep trying to figure out if those are shorts or a skirt, and I’m afraid to believe that they’re shorts, but … I think they may be. I think she’s wearing leggings under shorts, with mid-calf boots. This is how I used to dress when I was six and didn’t know any better. I also used to throw temper tantrums, so it looks like Vanessa and six year old Amanda have a lot in common.

 

And she put her shirt on backwards. Yeah, Vanessa is totally six year old me. Her character suddenly makes a lot more sense, when you think of her as a really big six year old.

 

This episode features a lot of deceptive outerwear. First Blair’s coat hides what ends up being a fairly ugly dress. Then, Nate’s topcoat makes him look almost dapper. 

 

Mostly because it hides an untucked shirt. Really, Nathaniel? You can’t be bothered to tuck in your shirt when you’re running your cousin’s congressional campaign?

 

At least he manages to pull it together for the election night. He almost makes me believe that an 18-year-old is in charge of a 26-year-old’s last minute congressional campaign. Wow, when you say the plot out loud, it doesn’t sound very believable, does it? 

 

Oh, Chuck. Love the three-piece suit, complete with a purple bow tie. The man is a sharp dresser, isn’t he? Those are French cuffs he has on. Meanwhile, Nate can’t be bothered to tuck in his shirt. 

 

He’s running a hotel, Nathaniel, and he still has time to make sure everything is pressed and in its place. Look at him, gesturing broadly, secure in the knowledge that he will always be better dressed than you are. 

 

Oh, Charles. I was on such a roll, talking about what a sharp dresser you are. Then you had to go and steal Cameron Diaz’s hair from There’s Something About Mary. Sure, it’s better than your slicked back Gordon Gekko hair, but that doesn’t mean much. At least the rest of you is put together, even if I couldn’t get a screencap of your wearing pants. But I’m going to assume that you’re not pulling a Serena, and that you do in fact have pants on.